文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文中有几处错误的句子,部分句子偏简单;衔接成分太少,文章结构欠佳;请注意分段。
Hello, everybody! I am glad to stand here and introduce myself. I am XXX and my English name is XXX. I am eleven years old. My birthday is on Christmas Day. I am a student of Grade 6, Class 1 of Ruhe New District Primary School. I like to play violin, reading, swimming, skiing and surfing the internet....I have a lot of hobbies! The color I like best is silver. My favorite food is hamburger. When I grow up, I want to be a writer because a writer can write many books which are useful to people (I don't know if this is correct or not). Thank you very much for listening to me. Thank you once again!