句式变化不明显,另外要多多加强从句在文中的比例;衔接成分太少,文章结构欠佳;文章用词太过单一,本文单词拼写错误较多;请注意分段;连词使用偏少。
This story is talked about a US. poor man Herry's fortuitous adventure .at one time mmada a dabt with two wealthy man.They given Herry a bill that didn't cash and saw him how to lieve a month . A month latter ,Herry didn't was strave ,hoever ,he became a wealthy man and win a beatiful giral's love.