字数:200满分:100分
作者词汇表达较多样灵活,也能较准确地使用学术词汇;作者在句法层面做的很棒;文章结构不错,使用了丰富的衔接词和过渡词。
The conclusion of this argument is that centralization of the company would improve profitability by cutting as well as helping the company maintain better supervise of all employees. To support it, the author cites that the Apogee Company which has all its operations in various places today is not so profitably than it was. However, this alone does not constitute a logical argument and is not sufficient enough to fulfill the conclusion mention above. The line of reasoning of this argument is questionable for three reasons. Most conspicuously of the flaw in this argument is that it omits several important factors that may influence the profit of the company, such as the economy circumstance of the whole country and the change of the official measure, when compares the profit today to that of the past. Secondly, the author fail to consider the productivity of the company when close down its field offices and central in single location. Moreover, supervise all the employees in the company may not be an effective way to increase the company’s productivity as the author mentioned. Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound so preservative. To strengthen the argument, the author must, at the very least, provide the factors other than the centralization that might be affecting current profits negatively. It would be better to provide some further items, such as the proof that centralization of the company is mostly better than separation and that employees will work harder under supervision, to make the argument more thorough and convincing.