作者词汇表达较为熟练,学术词汇使用不是很多;有效地采用了一些简单的从句为文章增色;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少;请注意分段;可以适当增加副词的使用。
i'm tom i have some rules the first i have to get up at 6:00 o'clock every day then go to school at 6:15 every day must on time.the second don't eat outside every day take myself lunch because out side foods are expensive and the most food are junk,no useful heath the third don't listen to music on school days.if i listen to music in class not listen to teacher,then i don't know who teaching about knowledge ,i feel upset.also don't watch Tv on school nights.because i need do my homework if i watching to many Tv no time do homework the next day go to school the teacher will teaching i don't know finally must be back home by12:00 in the morning and by 9:20 in the evening study and rest have rules profile heath