文中的从句不多,且有几处句子错误;上下文衔接欠佳,文章层次欠清晰,建议加强连接词和衔接词的积累;文中有较多拼写错误,用词太过单一。
Sam got up at six o'clock yesterday. He ride a bike went to park. he had a good time at park ,He had lunch at the mcdonald's with parents ,At the aftenoon,Sam piayed basketball at shool with him friend .At aftenoon four o'clock till at aftenoon six o'clock sam together got fora walk with fatch , Him fatch give he bought a classicia musician cd ,This day samvery happy .