可适当增加复合句和从句的使用;恰当的使用了过渡词和衔接词,衔接手法做的很棒;词汇表达灵活丰富请继续保持,也能较好的使用一定的高级词汇。
in term of the statement, sports and social activities are just as vital as classes and libraries and should receive equal finacial support at universities and colleges, i give great recognition and bestow praise for the emphasis on sports and social activities. Reasons are as follows. First of all, social activities can give us a broad knowledge about the real situation of society and teach us what we can do to improve the society,which is in great need for univerity students to learn because universities and colleges should serve different functions from the high schools, which means teaching knowledge is no longer the only and the most crucial task. What students ought to gain from the universities and colleges tend to be what the society is like and how to live better in society. People who merely study well are not the talent our society needs. A excellent people should care for the land he lives on, and the people living around. We should have spirits of service and dedication. Secondly, sports do good to our health. Good health is the foundation of any other activities such as learning and working. A man in poor health can do nothing to society no matter how knowledgeable or smart he is. Sports also offer us chances to make more friends and to be more positive to our life. For instance, when i started to play tennis, i acquinted with 5 students from various majorities in just one week time. What's more, my boyfriend is also the one i meet in the sports. After i insist in tennis for half a year, i obviously found myself more energetic and optimistic. I smiled more often and gained some weight which made me not look like a sick girl any longer. To sum up, sports and social activities have advantages both mentally and physically. By receicing equal financial support, sports and social activities will gain more attention at universities and colleges. Students will be more healthy and aware of the society in future. More and more students will not only take in good command of academic knowledge, but also have the bright eyes to find the problems in society and the kind heart to care the people around. I have great confidence in these changes brought by the recognition of sports and soial activities. Our future are doomed to be brilliant.