正确句子比例较高,适当增加复杂句的使用,文章会更出色;文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用高级词汇就更好了;不能熟练使用过渡词,文章结构欠佳。
When I was five years old,I can use the computer.I knew I can do my homework and find something I want on the Internet.Two years ago,I could talk to people on it and I have some net friends. One of my net friend is a girl who is only thirteen years old.Her name is Sally.She know how to use computers well and type quickly.Sometimes she can make some videos to make me happy.We knew each other form QQ a few months ago.It's kind of her to teach me.She always tells me how to use some computer softwares.Usually we play computer games together for a little time.I learnt a lot form her.