增加一些从句的使用,文章会更不错;作者词汇量偏小,另外文章有些单词拼写错误;上下文衔接欠佳,文章层次欠清晰,建议加强连接词和衔接词的积累。
Yesterday, sam got up at 6. Then he rode a bike to the park. He had a good time in the park. It was time for lunch. So he with his parents had lunch at McDonald's. In the afternoon, Sam played basketball in school with his classmates. They played at 4 in the afternoon till 6. After supper, Sam's father and Sam went for a walk together. And his father bought he a antient music CD. How interesting Sam had this day!