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作者应增加文中长句和从句和使用；文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用高级词汇就更好了；文章结构欠严谨，基本没有衔接成分。
Sam got up at six yesterday. Then he goes to the park by bike. He has a good time in the park. Lunch with parents at McDonald's at noon. Sam and his classmates played basketball at school in the afternoon, from four in the afternoon until six in the afternoon. After dinner, Sam went for a walk with his father, who bought him a classical music CD. How interesting Sam is this day!
