加强一些长句和复杂句的使用;请作者增加词汇表达的丰富度,另外文中有较多拼写错误;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少;请注意分段;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
Yestrer,In the morning,Sam got up 6'clock .ride to bike to zoo.He live in zoo yery happy.afternoon and parents have lunch to. afternoon Sam and he Schoolmate piay basketball and 6'clock .supper,san and he father sfather go for a walk.father shopping made a CD.How beatuful to day! Sam very happy! what's a fanny day!