文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文中衔接词和过渡词使用的很棒;有效地采用了一些简单的从句为文章增色;请注意分段。
how time flies,i have been in Shenzhen for almost 10years,i can still remember the day when i came here.i was so young but i was hopeful and imaginative about my future Although it was not suitable for young us to end school life and enter society,I spend a very happy time of the begging of my working life.as most of my classmates were recommended to the same company. After half a year,most of my classmates gradually left that company to seek more suitable job,