可适当增加连接词和衔接词的使用;可适当增加从句和复杂句的使用,注意文中的几处句子错误;文章中拼写错误较多,同时请作者增加词汇丰富度。
my neam is lucy, I am 13 yeas old ,I am a Americe gril, i like chinese, i very interest to chinese music,i want to know something about china. if you are smater chinese girl,and like music movies,and know a little English, please contact to me. I hope we will become to good feriden, I can teacher you english ,you can teacher me chinese.